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love
A
lost another beloved friend today
my beautiful Brutus
been looking after him since he was a pup
my cousin sent me a message saying he is going to heaven today
his seizures were still happening (although they never happened with me – glad i never had to see that) and he was losing control of his legs.
she said they made the decision to let him go now, instead of waiting until he was a drooling idiot.
he was far too noble for that.
too regal
too loved
Goodbye my darling cat
My furry little supermodel
my ditzy dear
heartbreaking decision
necessary
but so so so heartbreaking
all the trees in heaven will be waiting for you, and all the tuna you can eat
love you
loved you
will always
(today – Monday 3 January 2011 – around 3:15)
There have been a few.
Updates too.
Firstly, we got another dog. Well my mum adopted her, and she will live with my mum, with my doggy Macky.
Her name is Mardi (as in Mardi Gras, as that is where she was found) and she is 9 years old. She was at TEARS for 2 years I believe, but had a home for 7 years before that. Unfortunately her owners emigrated, and made the decision not to take her with them.
She’s been with my mum for just over 2 weeks now, and she is more settled. The cats are fine – just Max is a little wary still, but no fights or chasing or anything like that. He just avoids her mostly and occasionally they will touch noses.
She is excellent on walks! On the lead or off, she is very responsive and behaved. She loves to meet new dogs, as long as they are smaller than her. I think that’s a kennel thing though. There’s no danger from a dog half your size.
She and Macky get along very well, mostly – they’ve had the occasional spat about personal space (Macky doesn’t know what that means, and tends to just walk over her if she’s in the way of being loved by a human) usually in my mums bedroom! But it’s just a “finding out who is top dog” thing, and it’s getting better.Luckily, Macky is such a sweety, he just goes with the flow. But he is definitely top dog and wants Mardi to know this.
Even more surprising was the bond that has developed between Mardi and my grumpy brother. Moment they met, it was love.
If he’s home – that’s where she will be, in his room. She would love to sleep in there at night, but he closes his door (he has limits!) so she sleeps outside his door.
She gets all excited when he comes home and he gets quite a goofy smile when talking about her to me or other people. Even if he is mock complaining about her cold nose in the small of his back when she wants attention while he’s at his computer. It’s wonderful to see. A crack in his armour. A little light shining in.
Other changes… *Thinks*
Oh! I moved out, finally. Sharing a gorgeous house with two other ladies. Although the one is leaving at the end of the month – she moves in with her boyfriend. All the best to her – sounds like it was about time 🙂
The owner of the place, says that perhaps some time next year, she might move in with her boyfriend, but she isn’t sure yet, so I mustn’t fret about losing my place.
It’s a really comfortable and relaxed house. We aren’t digsmates or besties – we just share the house and it’s our home. We are house mates, that’s it. So there’s no envy or “why didn’t you invite me?” moments, or jealousy or hitting on boyfriends. No silliness.
I feel really chilled when I get home. It’s finally feeling like “home” – instead of just another house sitting gig.
My mums home is now just Moms. It’s still home, and always will be, because I am always welcome there, but I feel more independent here. More myself. I can be quiet if I want to be. I can go for a run, or stay out, or stay in, wash my clothes when I want, eat what I want, make what I want, do what I want, watch what I want…. and all that good stuff. I have privacy. Not saying my mum was an invader – but I never quite felt “separated” from that knock on the door moment. I love my mum, and I think this is better for us too – I go home on weekends, to walk Macky and Mardi and to get things from the garage, and to have a little catch up chat with mum and say hi to my brother. It’s good.
Other updates:
June came and went – it was awesome, but as always, too short.
We traveled up the East Coast – all the way up to Addo Elephant Reserve. Always wanted to visit there, since I was little girl. So it was a dream come true for me, and an incredible experience for both of us. The road trip was pretty awesome too.
We stopped off in Knysna, and Jeffrey’s Bay (the Surf Mecca of South Africa, Africa even) and stayed at the very famous Super Tubes. Right on the beach. Was too cold to surf though (this is June! Southern Hemisphere!) so we will have to make a plan to go back in summer, some time.
Addo was incredible. So peaceful. Relaxed. We saw quite a variety of game – no Cheetah or Leopards though – and we drove from top to bottom of the park. We saw (many many many!) of the supposedly elusive Dung Beetle, and took loads of photos.
Too soon, my man was gone again – but I’ve had my fix and I can wait for quite a while to see him again. I’m content.
Work sucks. There are no better words.
Not the people I work directly with – I have made some wonderful friends there over the last year or so. Especially the last few months – Fahiem and Megan are such brilliant people, with big hearts and keen intellect. We’ve been teaching each other things. Too many things to explain. Life lessons, and language lessons and even “gams kawiely wams” and how it’s used in every day conversation.
I will miss them, when I leave at the end of the year. But I can at least keep in touch with them, and my other friends there, and not suffer through the drivel and idiocy of the OTHER sides of that place. I won’t go into detail. It’s not necessary and will just annoy me.
I’ve started learning other languages too – German, Arabic, Italian, Spanish and I’m brushing up on my French too.
I’ll need them if I want to work for the U.N! The letter I received from the head of the Translations department was eye-opening, but also very positive. That’s another life long dream of mine. It will take a lot of work, but it’s not impossible.
Nothing is impossible.
The old boys are doing a bit better now. Their feet are hardening and their energy levels have lifted to match. RIght now, Ex is having a little issue – but that’s my fault: I took him out a day after his feet were trimmed (he was eager) and might have pushed him a little too far – I think he’s bruised his one sole.
So we are taking it gently now. He will come right, he has so far.
I love that horse.
Catch is doing very well – his feet are settling nicely. He is full of energy. A pity that Jamie can’t ride more though. That’s annoying. And difficult.
I become Elastagirl when I take them both out. They are both so stubborn and strong willed.
Oh and the Crow is finally finished!!
It looks BEAUTIFUL.
I attempted some shots on my own, and managed to at least show the whole tattoo.
Even with a timer, it’s bloody difficult to get a shot of a tattoo that size, in that location, on your own, with a ginormous DSLR like Bertha.
My wee and feisty friend, Gonzo.
Little black and white Jack Russell cross with something.
You gave Cath a good long run. With her through thick and thin. You were her first child. And her most beloved.
And you were my first “dog sitting” attempt.
Luckily, you liked me, because I took you for 2 walks a day and paid as much attention to you as your mum did.
So you treated me well, and when Cath got some new family members, you put them in their place and taught them how to love me too.
I cannot even begin to explain how sad I am.
This is a deep, aching void that you create.
Not just in me, but most especially for Cath.
And it had to be her decision. Which could not have been easy.
RIP my charismatic little friend.
You will also be sorely missed.
Gonzo Deare – Saturday 11th September 2010.
Gonzo the Magnificent.
my beautiful Mishka.
This time to Fantastic Horse.
But no less of one.
Goodbye to little Stormy.
Our fuzzy, crazy, happy little Shetland old man.
Nearly 40 and, right up until Friday, so full of life and beans you would never know that he was so old.
My heart is so sore, my little friend.
Such a big heart. Such character. Bigger on the inside that most full sized horses are on the outside.
His spirit was huge. His nobility just as clear and present.
There will never be another like you, little man.
(RIP Saturday 1 May 2010)
You will be sorely missed.
But you get to run wild with your best friend, Alchemy, once again.
Goodbye to Lindenberg. My namesake.
If there was ever a god of horses, he would be it.
And now he's been taken back to heaven, because they need him there.
To say he will be missed, is an understatement of epic proportions.
His noble character, gentle nature and incredible talent were bottled up in a tiny explosive package.
There will be none like him.
His progeny (and i have the honour of knowing a few of them) will hold his characteristics and carry a part of him always.
Revel in your horse, if they have even a drop of Lindenberg's blood.
My father sent me a message early this morning (around 6:30) while I was driving to work.
It scared the bajeebers out of me at first read – it said that my brother had died at 03:30 this morning. "Left this mortal coil".
I nearly crashed my car. my heart smacked around inside my chest for a good few seconds… looking for a way out.
But then i reread who it was from and it clicked that my grandfather (my father's father) is who my brother is named after.
So my last remaining grandparent has passed away. my mother's parents are long gone (her dad died when she was 17, and her mum about 18 years ago. 18 years. wow. has it been that long?)
I can't say that i am sad. i don't really feel anything, for me.
i feel sad for my father, as he also lost his mother a couple of years ago (i was apparently meant to "inherit" something. but nothing came of it, and i don't really want anything – it would be hypocritical of me, as i barely knew her too – that side of the family dropped us like a hot potato when my parents divorced. and that was a LONG time ago) and i feel sad for that side of the family, as they knew him, i didn't.
And, unfortunately, the only memories i have of him are not nice ones.
I remember him shouting at my brother. and telling me i was "nothing but trouble" and "disrespectful" – and not in a funny "grandfatherly" way either.and i still have no idea why he said that.
i was a good girl. i really was.
a little more independant that most, sure, but i wasn't disrespectful at all. i revered and respected authority (and still do – i wanted to be in the military for goodness sake!) even when i was little.
perhaps i said things when i should have been silent, as "good girls" were meant to be.
but one thing my mother taught me when i was young was not to be afraid to speak my mind (as long as it didn't hurt anyone) and not be afraid to be myself either.
of course i only did that until i discovered that teachers and other kids didn't really like that. they wanted you to conform. be like everyone else. unique was strange and strange was bad. and bad was a lonely road.
and intelligence was not something to flaunt.
so i shut up, shut down and pretended to be JUST smart enough to get through.
i got so used to it that it became my "normal".
until a few years ago anyway. but that's another story, for another time.
Also, auf Wiedersehen Großvater. Leb wohl. Mögest du Frieden finden, endlich.
The Harmonious Crow 