Posts Tagged ‘the boy’

There have been a few.

Updates too.

Firstly, we got another dog. Well my mum adopted her, and she will live with my mum, with my doggy Macky.

Her name is Mardi (as in Mardi Gras, as that is where she was found) and she is 9 years old. She was at TEARS for 2 years I believe, but had a home for 7 years before that. Unfortunately her owners emigrated, and made the decision not to take her with them.

She’s been with my mum for just over 2 weeks now, and she is more settled. The cats are fine – just Max is a little wary still, but no fights or chasing or anything like that. He just avoids her mostly and occasionally they will touch noses.

She is excellent on walks! On the lead or off, she is very responsive and behaved. She loves to meet new dogs, as long as they are smaller than her. I think that’s a kennel thing though. There’s no danger from a dog half your size.

She and Macky get along very well, mostly – they’ve had the occasional spat about personal space (Macky doesn’t know what that means, and tends to just walk over her if she’s in the way of being loved by a human) usually in my mums bedroom! But it’s just a “finding out who is top dog” thing, and it’s getting better.Luckily, Macky is such a sweety, he just goes with the flow. But he is definitely top dog and wants Mardi to know this.

Even more surprising was the bond that has developed between Mardi and my grumpy brother. Moment they met, it was love.

If he’s home – that’s where she will be, in his room. She would love to sleep in there at night, but he closes his door (he has limits!) so she sleeps outside his door.

She gets all excited when he comes home and he gets quite a goofy smile when talking about her to me or other people. Even if he is mock complaining about her cold nose in the small of his back when she wants attention while he’s at his computer. It’s wonderful to see. A crack in his armour. A little light shining in.

Other changes… *Thinks*

Oh! I moved out, finally. Sharing a gorgeous house with two other ladies. Although the one is leaving at the end of the month – she moves in with her boyfriend. All the best to her – sounds like it was about time 🙂

The owner of the place, says that perhaps some time next year, she might move in with her boyfriend, but she isn’t sure yet, so I mustn’t fret about losing my place.

It’s a really comfortable and relaxed house. We aren’t digsmates or besties – we just share the house and it’s our home. We are house mates, that’s it. So there’s no envy or “why didn’t you invite me?” moments, or jealousy or hitting on boyfriends. No silliness.

I feel really chilled when I get home. It’s finally feeling like “home” – instead of just another house sitting gig.

My mums home is now just Moms. It’s still home, and always will be, because I am always welcome there, but I feel more independent here. More myself. I can be quiet if I want to be. I can go for a run, or stay out, or stay in, wash my clothes when I want, eat what I want, make what I want, do what I want, watch what I want…. and all that good stuff. I have privacy. Not saying my mum was an invader – but I never quite felt “separated” from that knock on the door moment. I love my mum, and I think this is better for us too – I go home on weekends, to walk Macky and Mardi and to get things from the garage, and to have a little catch up chat with mum and say hi to my brother. It’s good.

Other updates:

June came and went – it was awesome, but as always, too short.

We traveled up the East Coast – all the way up to Addo Elephant Reserve. Always wanted to visit there, since I was little girl. So it was a dream come true for me, and an incredible experience for both of us. The road trip was pretty awesome too.

We stopped off in Knysna, and Jeffrey’s Bay (the Surf Mecca of South Africa, Africa even) and stayed at the very famous Super Tubes. Right on the beach. Was too cold to surf though (this is June! Southern Hemisphere!) so we will have to make a plan to go back in summer, some time.

Addo was incredible. So peaceful. Relaxed. We saw quite a variety of game – no Cheetah or Leopards though – and we drove from top to bottom of the park. We saw (many many many!) of the supposedly elusive Dung Beetle, and took loads of photos.

Too soon, my man was gone again – but I’ve had my fix and I can wait for quite a while to see him again. I’m content.

Work sucks. There are no better words.

Not the people I work directly with – I have made some wonderful friends there over the last year or so. Especially the last few months – Fahiem and Megan are such brilliant people, with big hearts and keen intellect. We’ve been teaching each other things. Too many things to explain. Life lessons, and language lessons and even “gams kawiely wams” and how it’s used in every day conversation.

I will miss them, when I leave at the end of the year. But I can at least keep in touch with them, and my other friends there, and not suffer through the drivel and idiocy of the OTHER sides of that place. I won’t go into detail. It’s not necessary and will just annoy me.

I’ve started learning other languages too – German, Arabic, Italian, Spanish and I’m brushing up on my French too.

I’ll need them if I want to work for the U.N! The letter I received from the head of the Translations department was eye-opening, but also very positive. That’s another life long dream of mine. It will take a lot of work, but it’s not impossible.

Nothing is impossible.

The old boys are doing a bit better now. Their feet are hardening and their energy levels have lifted to match. RIght now, Ex is having a little issue – but that’s my fault: I took him out a day after his feet were trimmed  (he was eager) and might have pushed him a little too far – I think he’s bruised his one sole.

So we are taking it gently now. He will come right, he has so far.

I love that horse.

Catch is doing very well – his feet are settling nicely. He is full of energy. A pity that Jamie can’t ride more though. That’s annoying. And difficult.

I become Elastagirl when I take them both out. They are both so stubborn and strong willed.

Oh and the Crow is finally finished!!

It looks BEAUTIFUL.

I attempted some shots on my own, and managed to at least show the whole tattoo.

Even with a timer, it’s bloody difficult to get a shot of a tattoo that size, in that location, on your own, with a ginormous DSLR like Bertha.

since the boy left, we've been sending texts to each other every day… keeping in touch, as best we can..
he's still sitting in kuwait, in the dust and heat, waiting for his transport back to the sandpit…
he's trying to enjoy the relative "peace and quiet" of the base he's at before he has to go back to the bs and craziness of the FOB.

this time is incredibly bittersweet for me
i adore getting his messages… every time my phone beeps my heart jumps in excitement and i scramble to read the note from my man… because… he makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me cry, makes me sigh…

it's so good to know that he feels EXACTLY the way i do
i miss him so much that my heart aches and i'm like a junkie going through withdrawal … he IS my drug…
i miss his skin
his smell
his lips
his arms around me
his cute feet
his warm hands
his dazzling smile (he can get away with anything if he flashes that smile at me)
his wonderful laugh (it makes me laugh when he does – every time!)
i miss making him breakfast
and lunch
and dinner
and holding his hand while we walk around the mall
driving in my car – his hand on my leg, giving me a squeeze every now and then…
seeing him looking at me, out the corner of my eye…
i miss the jokes and the play fights and the wrestling and tickling and laughing
i miss his laugh SO MUCH
i miss his voice… so delicious and sexy – reaches through my ear right down to my toes…
i miss hearing him say my name, calling me sweet things… telling me how much he loves me…

just normal, every day things
i will never take it for granted
we've had so little time together – but each time we ARE together, it's like we were never apart – we just click in place.
we fit.

so his messages make my heart SOAR.. but they also make me hurt… because i'm half a person without him… i feel empty and restless and lost…

but i know he feels the same – which makes it so much better, so much easier to get through the day.

i love him more than ANYTHING.
sometimes i can't believe that he loves me. that i am such a lucky woman.

ok.
mush over.
you can look again!
 

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romantic does not even cover it…

Thursday 25th June 2009.

My friend G says he's coming to visit me, while I'm house sitting – just popping in for a cup of tea, he says… says he's bringing a friend too…
None the wiser – I am half in my jammies (ready for another early wake up and off to work – at least the next day was Friday) and not expecting anything hinky.

I open the garage door and see my friend G… don't see anyone else in the car… so i'm greeting G and then i see someone else walk in, but it's dark and i can't really see this "friend" of G's…
so I look at him, and then look at G – waiting for him to introduce his friend…
i then look again at this "friend"… thinking "he looks familiar"…
and then he smiles…
and my knees give way and the world goes a little smushy and my heart stops and i can't breathe…
because there stands the man that i love.
my soldier.
my dark and sexy american boy.
when my legs decided to work again, i leapt on him and clung to him like a limpet.
he said that was the best moment ever.

he smelled so good.
felt so good.
sounded so good.

my friend said that he has never actually seen genuine shock in his life until that moment when he saw my eyes.
the boy and he said that my eyes went HUGE and my mouth was open and they could almost _hear_ my brain go "WTF!!!!!???????OMG!!!"

and yesterday i said goodbye to him.
drove him to the airport.
we sat in the terminal, enjoying our last moments of being happy together.
thinking of the fun things we'd done.
things we'd seen.

we had the most amazing time – it's so refreshing to see the place i live, through the eyes of someone else.
he relaxed utterly, didn't shave, let his hair grow. slept well. ate well.
we had awesome weather – Cape Town clearly approved, because she saved up the foul weather for the day he left – it's still raining (BUCKETING!)

we saw cheetahs, and eagles and penguins and beaches and mountains and forests and we walked everywhere and went into little shops and flew in a gyrocopter and drank wine made breakfasts and lunches and dinners and took hundreds of photos…

i'm hoping that this little R&R was what he needed to get him through the next 4 months till he gets "home' to germany.
i know it helped me.
except that now, all these memories are here on my turf…
driving in my car
going to the shops
the hardest part is sleeping…
sleeping without his warm arms around me
his legs all tangled up with mine…
or wrapping my arms around him and resting my head against his back…
the sound of his heartbeat
 
just having to "go back to normal" – that's what's the hard part now.
but we will persevere – and i think this makes us stronger – as cliche' as that sounds.

he told me some interesting things and we had some good talks…

this was the best surprise of my life and i am even more in love with my crazy, cunning, sweetheart than ever before.

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gross gross gross…
what is it with dogs and "cleaning up' after the cats?

*gag*
must be one of the most REVOLTING smells ever.

makes me quite ill.

so that damn dog is kicked out of my room and she can grumble and snorf and growl and whimper and be a pain in the butt, BUT FROM THE PASSAGE WHERE I CAN'T SMELL HER BREATH!

ANYHOO…

Been looking at gifts for the boy, for his 24th, at the end of June.
I want to get him something unique, original, special… something that shows him how much I love him, and makes him think of me every time he sees it…

I also want to get another tattoo – had some ideas and sent an email to my tattoo artist friend, see what he says about it… if he has any ideas as well…

"Ani LeDoddi VeDoddi Li"

A few updates:
Yes, I got that job in the HellDesk.
Full time. 8am to 4:30pm.
Which means getting up at 0530, leaving home at 0615 and getting to work by 0700, or I fight my way through traffic for an hour and a half.
Joy.
I only fall asleep, if I'm lucky, around 0230.
So I am one TIRED little geek girl.

I have too many house sitting gigs lined up.
I am tired just thinking about it. Start next week with the first one.
No pets. Will be quiet. No internet either. will be boring.
But it's during the week anyway – so I basically come home, eat, shower, sleep, wake up early.. no time for anything else really.
Haven't done much photography recently – too exhausted on the weekends – but still getting orders…
OH!
My photobook got listed on Amazon… check it out!
http://www.amazon.com/Photographers-Choice-Andrea-Lindenberg/dp/B002ACW0E0/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244295916&sr=8-5

I'm kinda stoked, actually – a Lulu pilot program that included me!
I'll see what comes of it, and I definitely need to make a new photobook with updated photos and a new theme too…

I trimmed my fringe – it was annoying me – I think I did a pretty good job.
I am going to dye my hair "ruby red" a bit later… see how that turns out – since the blonde thing ain't happened…
Just a change.. it's a dark ruby red… so more reddy brown, but not auburn…
I'll see what my hair decides it will turn out as though…

Went out to the Marine Bar last night – first time since.. wow.. November last year!
They've revamped it – it looks awesome!
All warm colours and nice lighting and a very cool poker table and also a new pool table (Bridgeport)… I even managed to win a few games. The other table I don't I ever won once… but I blamed it on the skewness and the bumps in the felt!
Met Bud, and Jeff and Chris – no, not Marines. Guys working there on the new security fencing etc at the Consulate. Cool dudes. Chris was born and raised on Oahu, in Hawaii – he has such a cool accent 🙂 He joined the US Army at age 18, and was also stationed at Schofield, like the boy. But obviously, WAY back – he said '79 to '82 or something! He was very cool. I didn't get to talk to Jeff much, but he has a really fun laugh and a lovely accent too.
Bud was cool too – married a saffy girl a while back, and has a young daughter here.

Met one of the new Marines – John Oh – he was born in Korea, but went to the US when he was 7. Joined the Marines!
He's tiny, but a sweety from what I could gather. Didn't talk to him much.
Didn't meet Joseph, the other Marine, but saw him wander off to Post in his camos. Made me miss my man SO much.
And hearing all the accents.

And I still haven't met Jeff, and he's been there the longest out of the n00bs.

Jason leaves end of the month I think.. or in July.. he hasn't got orders, just knows he's going to New Delhi! Can you imagine?! I think he'll do well though – he has a strange patience with developing nation people, like us. I wish him luck. (although he carries that with him at all times) Will miss him though! Half Italian, half Irish – makes for a crazy concoction!

Miss the boy something fierce.
and with the new Plan he's made… I guess i will just have to go on missing him for a while longer.
yes, hoping still to go to the States in December.
after that, it's back here.
guess i'll just make my own plans and stuff.
i want to move out.
i love my mom, love my animals, but i so desperately need my space.
and since i won't be going anywhere for a few years, i might as well do it when i get back.
Not this year though – will be saving for the trip.
Not sure if i have to buy the ticket or not.
Details are, as always, vague.
i'm adapting though.
I'm a tough cookie.
a Saffy through and through.

We move on.
 

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the problem is there's no trust anymore…
people just don't trust anyone.
can't really blame them – there are so many con artists and schmoozers and people wanting to take advantage of any weakness (well, what they perceive to be a weakness – i don't think compassion is a weakness) that is shown.

the world has lost her innocence.
you won't hear "i took a chance on them because they are good people"
that makes me so very sad.

also
i wish i was stronger and braver.
yes, this from a girl who wants to fly helicopters for the US army and take photos in a warzone.
BUT
this from a girl who bought a rather cute little nose stud
BUT IS TOO SCARED TO TAKE OUT THE OTHER ONE!!!!

I start… i pull, gently… i twist… i begin… then something goes FLOLLOLLOP in my stomach and ZOOOOOOOOOOOPKAPWING in my brain… and my fingers shake and my knees go wobbly and I JUST CANNAE DO IT JIMMY!

*sigh*

i'm such a f**king wuss.
how can the boy love such a pathetic wimp?

i miss him.
my body actually aches sometimes. i need his hand in mine. his beautiful soft lips. his warm arms around me.
the way he smells.
the way he sounds. his voice softly in my ear, in the dark. his heart beat. his breath.

DAMN IT!
as my friend G said of the boy and I – it's all very lovely and romantic, but can we skip the boring bits and just GET TO THE BEING TOGETHER BIT!!!??

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Some things to keep me occupied in the next few weeks/months…

1) Find Wacom and get cracking on the 99 Designs thing. Maybe make some money. (Thanks, Ness, for the link)
2) Renew passport (expires in Nov '09, but it takes a looooong time to get done these days) Home Affairs. That should be fun. I don't even know where it is these days…
3) Study AFAST and ASVAB. Seriously. Going to ace the AFAST (no pun intended). Will need to brush up on my maths and science. And learn American system of measurements etc. Blah. Silly Americans.
4) Get books from the garage – I have shelves, now I must put them to use, damnit. There's a photography book, my N+ and I want to find my LoTR.
5) Get a new tattoo or 3. Not the Big One – going to get that one with the Boy.
6) Write letters (maybe start up with LWT again… ) and send the Boy some more packages, when I know his new address for his new FOB.
7) Make money and Save.
8) Finish paying off debts.
9) Go to shows, but choose the ones I want. No more standing from 8am to 6pm anymore, sorry. Been there, done that. Earned my dues. I'm most grateful to all the people who have welcomed me back and told me that I have been missed. It means a lot.
10) Start running (find pouch for Zune and keys, for my arm – I can't stand running with things in my hands) and get control of my body again. Riding 2 horses, once a week, is just not cutting it. My abs have disappeared. I am sad about that. Very sad. Something must be done.
11) Archive the show backups on my brothers portable hdd. I've had it too long. The shows are old, they need to go onto DVD and get filed away.
12) Keep dreaming. I have so many things I want to do. I _can_ do them.

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which is apparently not something Americans understand…
perhaps if i say crossing fingers?

well either way, that's what i am doing…

holding thumbs that my camera sells, soon…
holding thumbs that AP gets back to me, soon…
holding thumbs that clients pay me, soon…
it's just a couple, but it's a few hundred bucks, which is always a good thing, yeah?

happily i got to talk to the boy this evening – while watching Over The Hedge, the Hammy moment ('it never eeeeeeeeeeends…. *zooooooooooooooom*… it never ends that way tooooooooooo….") so i was smiling already.. and then i saw him online 🙂

he misses me… YAY! glad to hear that, because i miss him too…
some days more than others – depending on how busy i am.. if my mind gets time to dwell on it or not…
he's safe where he is.. well as relatively safe as he can be, anyway
probably safer than i am! hah!
it sounds like he has it pretty good there, though – which is super cool.
his own room, internet access, some responsibility to keep him busy, cool toys too
i can't wait for photos!

i've been working out too much – the muscles around my belly are getting a little _too_ large for my liking… it's muscle, but because i'm already "well-covered'.. it tends to look like fat, under tshirts, etc, because it bulges out!
so i'm going to take it a little easy on the crunches and heel taps for a while… just concentrate on the skipping and the running (hah! that sounds so funny!) and also going to swim when i start house sitting for susan, in their lovely big warm pool.. can't wait, actually…
last time i stayed there over the summer, i swam every evening and i got pretty tanned and toned – was very cool. and you don't even FEEL it (at first anyway!) which is even better.

braved the crazy, dodgy areas of cape town today, to go renew my drivers license – took far less time than i thought it would, thankfully… altogether, i was gone for about an hour and a half, including driving time. which isn't bad at all.

had another dream about cutting my hair the other night (when i eventually fell asleep… really been struggling recently) and i'm wondering what it means…
i'm not talking pretty hairstyled kinda cut… i'm talking hacked off with a pair of scissors, all crazy. and the first time i dreamt it, i also then shaved my head after that… but not the second time i dreamt it… strangely enough.

anyone have any ideas on what it means?
i guess i should google.
google will know.
google is king.
or queen.
depending on your outlook on life.

need to get to the mall tomorrow, to buy something important.
really REALLY hope my camera sells soon.

hold thumbs people, please.

night night.

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woke up this morning with the most horrendously sore throat.
it was so swollen and raw that i couldn't swallow. not even tea.
i am in agony.
i hope it's not my tonsils. i can't afford to have them out. i can't afford anything really. and i'm not on medical aid (obviously).
joy.
so i'm downing ecchinacia (however you bloody spell it) and vitamin C by the 1000's of mg and multi-vitamins… in the hopes it goes away.

had my last ride with Mandy and the gang this morning – rode Watchy. She was a royal pain, but was still an awesome ride – we rode on the beach and watched it go from bright blue sky to thunderclouds and horrible humid heat in the space of the hour we were out there.
no whales though.
just wish it would rain, so it would cool down. really don't enjoy the heat or the humidity. another reason i'm having second thoughts about Dubai. (besides the fact that i've received no positive responses except from people who say they would only talk to me about work when i got there – which is cool, but not very helpful)

after the ride i came home and took all my wet clothes off (Watchy was having a splash fest in the vlei – she's so sweet) and climbed under my nice soft blanket and tried to sleep. you don't realise how many times you swallow, until you have a sore throat and it's killer painful to do so. especially when trying to sleep. i managed about 40 minutes – which is brilliant, considering i didn't sleep at all the night before. at ALL.

i still have rather a lot on my mind.

i love the boy. he is my number one and nothing will change that. ever.
but i've been spending time with some _other_ wonderful people… and they are all saying that i'm actually an amazing woman and that anyone who spends any time with me can't help but adore me. how odd is that? it's not just from person (if it was, i'd be like "yeah sure, you just want to get into my pants, don't ya!") it's from … basically from EVERYONE i have met in the last few weeks… and i mean _everyone_.. even the most unlikely people… people who have nothing to gain from sucking up to me or being nice to me…
the one gentleman said that his wife (And his wife's grandmother, a korean lady) said i was "so natural and so true to myself and so _real_" that a "light shines from her eyes"… that i am an "angel"… i'm no angel. i make mistakes. i'm only human.
but.
it's opened my eyes. to the fact that i _can_ be loved like that.for me. for who _I_ am.
i mean i KNOW that the boy loves me – no doubts about that! he has opened my HEART. wide open.
but honestly, i thought that was just… luck… just.. some divine chance that someone like him could fall for someone like me…
but now… after all this… it's like.. i feel .. amazed… and.. overwhelmed and…  i don't know what else!

i'm also thinking about my future. MY future. where i see myself. right now it's crazy, and i don't know. i'm unsure.
i know what i _want_ … but life doesn't always give us what we want, but more what we _need_…
and i don't know what i need.
so i'm scared.
and in making decisions about MY life… i don't want to hurt anyone else… which, in decisions to come, could be difficult… but it _is_ my life…

but right now i have enough on my mind, i'm not ready to go there just yet.
i've lost about 3kg in the last week or more  – stress.
broken out like a teenager. bloody sucks.
and my body is going haywire – not sleeping, hardly eating (and now with this sore throat i CAN'T eat, even if i want to.. so i'm forced to eat yoghurt!)

i hate this time of year.
hate it.

and sometimes a thought rolls around in my crazy head… and it confuses me… "what if i _had_ stayed with the boy?"
what then?
i would never have discovered all these incredible people, and the wonderful words and emotions they have sent my way, out of the blue..
my eyes would be set. focused in one place.
sometimes i don't think that's a bad thing. it would certainly be easier on my mind and body.

so anyway. took the cat to the vet for her monthly injection – and was happily asked if i could work for them for a week or so end of december, beginning jan.. which is awesome. a little weight off my mind… now i just need to get through the end of THIS month, and the beginning of december… lots of housesitting coming up… i think that's what i need. some time on my own.

just wish it would RAIN now!

 

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Hallowe'en night was pretty chilled – the only token item I had to show my We'enness was my pair of red horns…
So these I wore. It was a very hot day and a long, warm summer afternoon and evening… so I was dressed accordingly in boardshorts and a little top…
well… i got a rather interesting (and, i have to admit, rather naughtily pleasant) reaction from the dads who accompanied their little kids on the trick and treating…
they stood for a strangely long moment, looking at me, as i opened the gates with my bowl of goodies, and then the one dad told his kids to say thank you (which they did, in chorus) and then another dad said "yes.. thank YOU very much" and other comments followed from the other dads, in a similar vein…
i got stared at for a few moments longer and then they hustled off after their kids who were already moving on to the next house…
last comment i heard was "she had yummy treats…"

i only had chocolate biscuits and things like that. no sweets or anything…but TimTams are yummy, for sure!

Been house sitting and playing "nanny" to two teenagers (13 and 16) for the last week…
It's been… different. Interesting.
They depend on me, but not in a horrible needy way… just as driver and maker of dinner and please-can-you-plait-my-hair and help with choosing a leotard for dancing and going shopping for a survival trip and you-can-watch-the-F1-with-me-if-you-want-but-you-don't-have-to
the boy (the 16 year old) is one cool little dude. i have to say he reminds me a lot of my man (not in that way, i SWEAR! i'm not THAT perverted!)… also very sarcastic and cynical (to a lesser degree of course… but it's definitely blooming… and i definitely encouraged it! we had a "sarcastic war" in the car on the way to the shops… it was fun – defending myself verbally against a 16 year old… thankfully i kept up!) and he is cute now, but will be a hotty in a year or so, that's for sure… he already has girls swooning over him (although he probably doesn't notice them "circling" the car, while we wait for his sister at the all girls convent school). i tried to not smirk as a young girl "accidentally" let her towel drop while walking by the car (she'd been swimming) and pretended i didn't see… while watching the boy in the rearview mirror… he was totally unaware… i rolled my eyes..
the girl is _gorgeous_ .. a delicate beauty – does ballet and swimming (synchronised) and she's very 13. very.
boys. friends. clothes. music. boys…. in that order… but she's very sweet… i'm not quite what she's used to, so it's taken us some time to kind of click… but we are doing ok.

The dogs are lovely – Lucky, a little maltese cross, is a stubborn little mutt, but FULL of character…  and Jessie (i call her JESSICA in moments of frustration… of which there are many) is a HUGE Airedale (black).. she has the biggest mouth i've ever seen on a dog, but the BIGGEST heart too.. an absolute softy, not a mean bone in her body… and it's a BIG body…
Tito and Sparkles are the cats – both very talkative, now that they know me and they know that i will indeed give them tuna. very loving (Tito follows me around and plonks himself down nearby when I am at the house) and VERY clever… far too clever (they get into EVERYTHING unless it's tied down and hidden away)

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