Archive for February, 2008
Tags: angel, mine, soldier boy, tj
Tags: amazing, boys!!, like, so sweet, soldier boy, this could be it
every day i just get further and further into it with this boy
every time i speak to him, he just ups the ante
he is, quite simply, the most amazing boy i've ever known.
and i think he likes me
i am in Hectic Like.
he calls me babe now
says he loves my voice
calls me just to tell me he loves my voice
says i look like a maxim model
asks for my advice, while he tries to help a friend…
i don't think it's possible for someone to be more beautiful – inside and out.
he glows with life
and he says he's not too young for me – he says "a pity you're so far away – if you were here you'd be mine"
gives me goosebumps
makes my heart pound and my stomach do flips
totally makes my toes curl in delight
he makes me feel so ALIVE!
like i'm seeing things through his eyes!
and he just continues to amaze me, with the things he says, his opinions… his thoughts…
he is a WHOLE person, a REAL person… he hides nothing from me.
hectic HECTIC like.
Tags: angel, gem, in deep, kindness, light, soldier, star, sweetness, tj
Tags: heartache, soldier boy, stupid me, tj
things were going well with my sweet soldier boy
then he went away – only 24 hours – out of contact
so firstly, i couldn't focus on work – i struggled so badly.
did NOT work at all.
turned into this emotional basket case. i missed him SO much.
then, the sweet creature he is, he got online as SOON as he got back (had been awake 24 hours, but he still got online to talk to me) and i was so happy… so ridiculously happy.
We yakked more – he was so sweet – but so tired, so he went to bed.
I was ok
then, i had such a bad day. (nothing to do with him – just various elements and things going wrong)
and i desperately needed to talk to him, be with him.
and he got online, as he always does – bright and cheerful and amazing as usual – and i had this .. horrible ache in my chest instead of being happy to see him. i ached because i like him so much. so much. and miserable because i'll never get to be with him. and he really is… just so wonderful. i've never met anyone like him. so … chilled, so easy to talk to.. so comfortable. so different from the boys i've known. i guess i was looking for the strings again. as usual.
so – i burst into tears and he said "don't worry, i'm here for you – take all the time you need"
and that's the last time i spoke to him.
he has disappeared. hasn't been online, hasn't emailed me – i got a one word answer to a text i sent.
and i totally spazzed out. lost the plot.
usually, he would be online in the mornings (my morning, his evening). but he was "sleeping". It was still early.
now. do i take that as a "fuck off you crazy cow" or do i take it as "i was working all day and needed sleep" ?
he's usually so "wordy" – he says a lot, rather than nothing (which i like about him)…
so my heart is in anguish. in little pieces.
if i've lost him too, due to my strange emotional outburst… i really will be broken.
so i sent an email, trying to sound lighthearted and happy – asking him to ignore my little crazy moment.
and now i wait.
i feel sick. totally sick.
and it's all my own fault.