so easy to get confused…
so this boy, who i thought previously didn't know i existed, has suddenly shown an interest. a big interest.
i don't know why really.
there was no flirtation on my part, no comments from me
i wished him luck in a new adventure, that was it.
he's always been there .. just off the page… but honestly i didn't think my little star twirled in the same sky.
now. i am confused.
one moment it's flirting and sweet words.
the next i'm being ignored completely.
busy is one thing.. sure.. i get busy.
i don't know. i'm reading signals wrong. i didn't even know there WERE signals in the first place. and now i'm sure i'm reading them wrong.
and there's still the other boy. who is _so_ sweet. so careful of my attention. but _so_ young. and probably leaving anyway.
i feel like this ancient crone sometimes. clawed hands and wrinkled face. reaching…
i don't even want to go there.
i'm so numb here in my brain/heart/soul
like i've been sucked dry. or left in the sun too long.
it's like everything is happening to this person i see through a window
so detached from everything.
it might be what's helping me cope with things, so i'm worried that if i break the "glass" i'm going to lose my marbles.
still no camera.
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