Archive for June, 2008

now, the boy tells me he only has to be out by july 13th… that's when they come to ship his stuff off… least he's got all the difficult stuff done!

he had a good weekend – was having fun being the photographer for his friends and their band 🙂
…and they came upon a cheerleaders camp…
4 gorgeous soldiers… lots of young cheerleaders…
hmmm – it MUST have been fun!

he also bought me the most beautiful necklace… i was absolutely blown away… it's so stunning…
a black pearl, white gold, and a diamond…
just. WOW.

i am so lucky.

he will give it to me in person – but he couldn't wait to show it to me 🙂 he's so cute, when it comes to presents and stuff…

him leaving later means that his package will get there on time!! yay!!!
i'm glad about that!

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The boy called me now (and i called back, of course) while driving back from the course he's meant to be taking…
he had to skip it today (which is a pity, because he's REALLY enjoying it!) because he just got notice that he has to be out of his barracks BY MONDAY!
He had till Aug 10th!
but the Army is being ratty, and now he has to rush around like an idiot today, and then this weekend… trying to get things done that he thought he had plenty of time to do!!
PLUS, his body armour got stolen… so he has to pay for that ("a good $1000" he said…)
i mean.. who STEALS body armour, on an army post?!?
what FOR? everyone gets issued with it…
very weird. and VERY annoying for the boy.
shame. 😦

so, to say he's stressed would be putting it RATHER mildly.

poor thing! wish i could help, but it's all mil stuff that only he can do…

i sent his birthday package today… shit.
definitely won't get there in time!
Maybe Bravo can send it on for the boy…?

and there's something in there for Bravo too, cos it was his birthday today…
the Army LOVES to mess up plans, don't they?

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and the boy does it again
sideswipe and i'm off my feet again… amazing!


i love him. achingly large amounts. all at once.

long conversation and lots of explanations
some questions
some answers
things click.

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Here comes the soldier boy!
Papers are through! signed off! all done!
he has to be out of Schofield, August 10th!
Off to Grafenwoehr, Germany.

He called me, around 11:30pm – so excited he could hardly talk! 🙂 it was so sweet!
I was out at a little gettogether at the US consulate – at the Marine house…  (was very cool – met the new Marines who've recently arrived – what a sweet bunch of guys!) – so i was awake.

I hope he went out to celebrate last night (because i haven't heard from him… no messages on IM or anything)
he's not awake yet, and it's just after 9

I'm so happy for him – what a relief!

i'm not going to push him for "decisions" though – we'll see what happens now. let things happen as they may.

i feel a little detached from him right now, i don't know why…
probably because i haven't "seen" him in a while.
and also probably because i was so worried/upset about losing Alchemy… which is thankfully not going to happen – B said he was glad to hear we thought that Al was just depressed, and he wanted us to try again with him. J and I took Al out for a walk, with Stormy, this morning (early – so i didn't get online… not sure if the boy was waiting for me or not… i have a feeling he wasn't though… that's what i mean about being "detached") and he was acting like his normal rambunctious self! full of nonsense! rearing and bucking and squealing and letting EVERYONE know he was back and he was THE MAN! It was wonderful – really made us sure about asking B about more time for him…
it was such a huge relief…

i think that's why i'm so exhausted… i was so wound up about it…

i feel kinda numb now – but it's ok.


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he truly is the most amazing amazing person…
the biggest, kindest, most wonderful heart.

yes, he was mad at me – and with good reason!
but he took the time (once he'd  fumed a bit) to explain _why_…
and listened to my side of the story too…

and he forgives … and now we move on… i'm so not used to that…

i truly am so blessed
so lucky to have him as mine…

even when he's mad with me… disappointed… he still loves me and is willing to let me know that.

how did i end up with someone like him?

i won't let him down again – not if i can help it.

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engage boy mode.

it seems the email _did_ scare him off.
despite the polite "i'm flattered and surprised" on the phone.

haven't heard a word from him since.

i'm barely. barely. holding it together.

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not to vegas… more like Hawaii, or Germany… or even Dubai, if that happens…

i wrote him an email…

couldn't keep it inside anymore.
let him know that i will give everything up for him. everything.
i would follow him anywhere.
i just hope he wants me to.

i hope i didn't scare him.
i would be devastated if i did.

i don't think i did…
he asked me to call him – he was surprised by the email he said.

he didn't REALISE how i felt? how i feel?

i have clearly not shown him enough, told him enough.
i know he's a boy, and they don't pick up on things like that… but still… he didn't know???
i guess i am just _too_ subtle… even when i thought i was going overboard.

it's a fine line and i don't want to cross it.

i love him.
my drug for life.

Listening to Sara Bareilles…
it's so annoying when they sing what i am thinking or feeling…
i feel so cliche'

i am so restless.
so damn all over the place.

in flux
S would be proud.

i know a big change is coming… i can feel it…
i hope it's good.

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i guess it's a form of cardio therapy…

HAPPY HAPPY HEART… then aching SAD heart… and then BACK UP TO HAPPY and 2 more reps…
my heart is BUFF, baby!


thank goodness for texts… he looooooooooves me…


my beautiful man.

DSC00582DocDSC00473Doc on blackhawk

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Show us a reason to get off the computer and go outside.
Submitted by Elisheva Chana.

Does it have to be during the DAY?

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not something that happens to me often…
but last night.
last night i was _scared_.

point driven home about where i live… and how terribly fragile the bubble is that i am floating in at the moment…

i desperately needed to hear his voice, telling me it would be alright, that he would get me out of there…
just his presence on the phone. something.

but i got nothing.
still haven't heard anything…

going on 2:30am there…
so he's probably stumbled in and gone to bed, little rascal!


when did i get so pathetic?
when did my whole being suddenly become "we" and not "me" ?
"us" and not "i" ?

it's so stupid.
i have nothing of him, except the sound of his voice, the sight of him, and the (now fading) smell of him on a tshirt…
how can i cling to this so desperately?


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