Posts Tagged ‘memories’

Yesterday, was a surreal and sad day.
My uncle, who has been fighting so bravely for months now, passed away.
He went down very quickly, in the space of a few hours.
I arrived, and said hello, but he was by that point, already slipping in and out.
I am hoping he registered my presence. And the presence of all those that loved him, standing around his bed.
We held his hand. Cracked jokes. Talked about the good times. Sarcasm runs deep in our family. It’s our Force.
We use it well.
Every now and then, my cousin would say “everyone who loves you is here, dad” or “keep fighting, dad” and my heart would just break.
He was so strong.
My uncle went from a giant sized figure in my life, to this pale, fragile, thin, delicate and quiet person in the bed. His skin matched the sheets, and his beard and hair were grey and soft.
There was a lot of love in that room. It was an overwhelming energy at times.
But my cousin had it right: he was surrounded by those who truly love him. Right till the end.
He went quickly, and silently, around 6:20pm.

The pain I feel can be nothing compared to what my cousin feels right now. He has spent 24/7 of the last 6 months with his dad. Taking care of him in every way imaginable. He fought so hard for him. And it was only at the last that my uncle just couldn’t fight any more. He was so tired.

My heart goes out to my cousin and his family. And to the other brothers, who were not there.

And my mom. My steadfast mom.

There was so much love in that room.

1 month away from 47 years, for my aunt and uncle.
but he just couldn’t fight anymore.

I love you Uncle B.
Rest easy. Rest in peace. Sort those angels out up there.

Coffee and cupcakes.


RIP Uncle B. Monday 24 January 2011 @ approx 18:20.
You slipped away.

Another farewell.

Posted: March 26, 2010 in animals, loss
Tags: , , , ,

My father sent me a message early this morning (around 6:30) while I was driving to work.
It scared the bajeebers out of me at first read – it said that my brother had died at 03:30 this morning. "Left this mortal coil".
I nearly crashed my car. my heart smacked around inside my chest for a good few seconds… looking for a way out.
But then i reread who it was from and it clicked that my grandfather (my father's father) is who my brother is named after.
So my last remaining grandparent has passed away. my mother's parents are long gone (her dad died when she was 17, and her mum about 18 years ago. 18 years. wow. has it been that long?)

I can't say that i am sad. i don't really feel anything, for me.
i feel sad for my father, as he also lost his mother a couple of years ago (i was apparently meant to "inherit" something. but nothing came of it, and i don't really want anything – it would be hypocritical of me, as i barely knew her too – that side of the family dropped us like a hot potato when my parents divorced. and that was a LONG time ago) and i feel sad for that side of the family, as they knew him, i didn't.
And, unfortunately, the only memories i have of him are not nice ones.
I remember him shouting at my brother. and telling me i was "nothing but trouble" and "disrespectful" – and not in a funny "grandfatherly" way either.and i still have no idea why he said that.
i was a good girl. i really was.
a little more independant that most, sure, but i wasn't disrespectful at all. i revered and respected authority (and still do – i wanted to be in the military for goodness sake!) even when i was little.
perhaps i said things when i should have been silent, as "good girls" were meant to be.
but one thing my mother taught me when i was young was not to be afraid to speak my mind (as long as it didn't hurt anyone) and not be afraid to be myself either.
of course i only did that until i discovered that teachers and other kids didn't really like that. they wanted you to conform. be like everyone else. unique was strange and strange was bad. and bad was a lonely road.
and intelligence was not something to flaunt.
so i shut up, shut down and pretended to be JUST smart enough to get through.
i got so used to it that it became my "normal".

until a few years ago anyway. but that's another story, for another time.

Also, auf Wiedersehen Großvater. Leb wohl. Mögest du Frieden finden, endlich.

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