Archive for July, 2010

my beautiful Mishka.

my little bear.
my crazy neurotic food-obsessed border collie nutball.
my heart feels dead and heavy.
i can't even think of words.
i will miss her so much.
my shadow
my little furry shadow.
always at my side
so clever
so loyal
my amazing dog.
16 years, my little love.
17:55
Thursday 29 July 2010.
She's gone.
a stroke.
a quick end at least
she made the decision for us.
it was time.
Mishka smileMishka MishkaMishkaMishkaMishka

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Breathe.

Let go of the negativity.
Where did it come from?
Why is it clinging like the smell of smoke? In your nose. In your hair. On your skin.
Wash it away.
You are better than this.
You are worth more.
You are worth the effort.
You deserve love.
You deserve good things.
Take a step in the direction you want.
Think of the big picture. Let the universe sort out the little details.
See it. Taste it. Smell it. Touch it. Know it.
Know it's yours already. It's just a matter of time.
Stop finding reasons why you shouldn't have what you want.
Stop trying to find bad things where there are none.
Let it go. 
Let it free.
Let your heart beat.
Let your breath flow.
Stop frowning over nothing.
Stop.
STOP.
Adore yourself. 
He does.
He loves you.
Now love yourself. 
See yourself through his eyes.
He is not perfect. He is human.
But you love him despite his faults.
And he loves you.
Just deal with that.
You deserve to be happy.
Deal with it.

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I was a heavy heart to carry 
My beloved was weighed down 
My arms around his neck 
My fingers laced to crown. 

I was a heavy heart to carry 
My feet dragged across ground 
And he took me to the river 
Where he slowly let me drown 

My love has concrete feet 
My love's an iron ball 
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall 

I'm so heavy, heavy 
Heavy in your arms 
I'm so heavy, heavy 
Heavy in your arms 

And is it worth the wait 
All this killing time? 
Are you strong enough to stand 
Protecting both your heart and mine? 

Who is the betrayer? 
Who's the killer in the crowd? 
The one who creeps in corridors 
And doesn't make a sound 

My love has concrete feet 
My love's an iron ball 
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall 

My love has concrete feet 
My love's an iron ball 
Wrapped around your ankles 
Over the waterfall 

I'm so heavy, heavy 
Heavy in your arms 
I'm so heavy, heavy 
So heavy in your arms 

This will be my last confession 
I love you never felt like any blessing 
(Ohhhh) 
Whispering like it's a secret 
Only to condemn the one who hears it 
With a heavy heart 

Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms 
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms 
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms 
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms 

I was a heavy heart to carry 
my beloved was weighed down 
My arms around his neck 
My fingers laced to crown 

I was a heavy heart to carry 
But he never let me down 
When he had me in his arms 
My feet never touched the ground 

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms. 

Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.

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