Archive for January, 2008

My friend Wendy says that 8 is my lucky number (she knows these things) and this year, she has a feeling it's going to be all mine.
SO i have CLAIMED it!
2008 Is MY YEAR.

I just got a loan!!!!!! and a super repayment option on it too! It's amazing!
I'm getting a new camera, a new lens, fixing my car and paying off all my debts!!!

I'm still waiting for the email from my Marine though… BUT – I'm going to be both realistic AND positive about it…
he's a busy man (that much i know), perhaps he IS involved (which is disappointing, but if i know, then it's easier to move on) and maybe (just maybe) he does remember me and my email made him smile (i hope) and perhaps he is nervous?
He is younger than me, after all. And my email was kinda out of the blue!
So i'm giving him time (maybe he'll get a chance on the weekend?) and space and not going to bug him.

I'm going to get on with things – i've got lots to do! Lots of exciting work, and big shows coming up… i'll focus, for a change.

I'll pass the time chatting to my sweet buddy, TJ – with no strings for a change.

And life will move forward!

And now! On to the beach with my dogs!

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i might have to use some Rescue Remedy myself.

I sent it.
the email to my Marine.

i'm shaking like a leaf. excited and petrified at the same time.
 at least he remembered me.

i was honest and straight forward.
people like that, right?

oh please don't let me have made a complete ass of myself.

i reread it about 20 times, changed little things back and forth.
then thought "BUGGER THAT!" and clicked send.

i can hardly breathe.

heart is pounding!
yes. definitely need tea.
which is something else that calms me.

TJ can just stay TJ, as it should be.

*panicked hiccups*

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D emailed me now.. he spoke to the Marine on Friday and he said I could have his email address.

D didn't say what else he said, only that it was fine.



*frantic flap*
*runs screaming*

I didn't actually THINK he would want me to have it!!!!!


but in a good way.

what do i do now!?


i'm grinning like a Cheshire cat! My cheeks are going to be sore by the end of the day, that's for sure.

*deep breath*

how do i start? what do i say?


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Another little Me Victory this weekend – a scorcher day at the show on Saturday, 36C with not a breath of wind to cool us… and I survived, in fact, i was FINE!

ALso, heard from D about the email address – he's been away (thus the lack of response) and he wanted to talk to The Marine first, to ask him if he could give me his email address…
how pathetic am i?
i feel like i'm in high school. asking his friend to talk to him for me…
but i did it, didn't i?


there's also a little confusion. complication.
a young soldier called TJ.  i don't know what to do about TJ.
the more i talk to him, the more… hooked, addicted.. i become.

he smiles and my knees go weak. he laughs and i feel like i'm going to float off my chair.
he went and bought a webcam, JUST so he could talk to me (when he saw i had one)
he wakes up and the first thing he does is message me.

am i reading things wrong?
he's too young. he's too far away.
i'm being stupid again.
also makes me feel like i'm young. i mean i'm not that OLD, but i'm far older than he is.

but he's like…. candy floss… sweet and … you want more… and sticky… not sure what i mean by sticky… but.. you get stuck in him… i don't know what i mean.

and he likes my company – well he seems to.

what do i do?

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like a 50’s movie

Posted: January 18, 2008 in people, photography
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Ivy – Worry About You

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Audio: Share the most embarrassing song on your mp3 player.

Well. I would have to say "She's Like The Wind" – sung by Patrick Swayze.
Only reason I HAVE it on my playlist is because i have OTHER songs from the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack…

Don't know if i should have admitted that!

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I r Libra

Posted: January 14, 2008 in information, people, relationships, writing
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so. no response from D about the email address or anything for the Marine.

oh well.

at least I tried, right? that's a big step for me, that much i know.

the loan people came back to me… they offered me 33 000 less than i asked for.
erm. no. sorry. not worth the interest and the agreement signed in blood. i'm not good with blood.

so i'm back at square one. but it's ok.

it's a new year and i'm not going to succumb this year, to that dark misty me that hangs out in those back rooms in my mind. the dusty ones with the rusty handles. the ones in the passages that the light bulbs don't work in.
that darkness can stay there, thanks. i've had enough of it.

it takes the taste from food and the warmth from sunshine and the colour from the sky. i'll never get rid of it (it's part of me) and i don't want to forget it (because it helped make me who i am, made me strong) but i'll not give in to it anymore.

life goes on, i go on.

take a deep breath, and step away

in the words of Dory – "Just Keep Swimming"

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i did it

the email has been sent. the wish made known to the universe.

now i wait.

and try to sleep.

and let things happen as they must happen.

i feel a bit sick. a bit excited. a bit scared. strangely high.

remember to breathe

don't think too far ahead… but.. what if? what if.

don't go there.

wait and see.

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What do you do for fun when you're broke? 
Submitted by Kim

I'm always broke!!! So… basically what i always do…
ride horses, walk my dogs, take photos, read books, watch old dvds

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