Posts Tagged ‘my love’

One: The babe and I have decided that we absolutely positively MUST have 2 or 3 of these:

http://www.fatsak.co.za/products/view/fatsak/size:1

And B:

This is probably one of my all time favourite photos of my amazing man:

Don’t know why, but it just is.

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… and I am _petrified_

i told the boy that it was 99% certain that i was coming over

i have to say i'd hoped for a little more enthusiasm… there were a lot of negatives thrown my way …
kinda hurt a bit.
"don't want to burst your bubble… but…"

so i am scared now.
i'm going through all this… selling my soul… digging a hole…

and he says "oh, cool" about me coming over… and then goes into the "but" listings…

am i asking too much, wanting just a LITTLE MORE excitement on his part?

guess it's just one of those other-side days.
i'm not going to let it get me down.

i've already had to deal with my mother being so negative it had me in tears. and added another sleepless night to my growing collection. have hardly had about 5 hours altogether, since the news of his deployment, on wednesday night.

i am running on empty. i am trying to do all this on my own. i will get no help from my mother. i remember now why i don't talk to her about anything. we just do NOT see things the same way. at all.

 thankfully i have the g-man, who has helped me a great deal – just with positive reinforcement and ideas on how to get money and stuff. he valiantly wades through the 'snot and trane' and gives me a swift kick up the bum and gets me back on track, again and again.

but i really really would like a bit more enthusiasm from the Boy.
i _need_ him to say he's excited… he can't wait… he's looking forward to it… SOMETHING…
not all this "but i don't have a car…" and "but i don't have anywhere for you to stay…" and "but i don't have any money to spend…"
does it really MATTER? i just want to be with him. finally. doesn't he want me anymore?
who cares how i get there or where i stay or if i have to spend my own damn money?
i wasn't EXPECTING anything from him!

at least he has a phone now.
he called earlier to tell me it was working… "but so damn expensive" so he won't be calling me much.

whatever.

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arg!
now, the boy tells me he only has to be out by july 13th… that's when they come to ship his stuff off…
well..at least he's got all the difficult stuff done!

he had a good weekend – was having fun being the photographer for his friends and their band 🙂
…and they came upon a cheerleaders camp…
4 gorgeous soldiers… lots of young cheerleaders…
hmmm – it MUST have been fun!
*grin*

he also bought me the most beautiful necklace… i was absolutely blown away… it's so stunning…
a black pearl, white gold, and a diamond…
just. WOW.

i am so lucky.

he will give it to me in person – but he couldn't wait to show it to me 🙂 he's so cute, when it comes to presents and stuff…

him leaving later means that his package will get there on time!! yay!!!
i'm glad about that!

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ok… the boy explained (as best he could) the situation regarding his various dates and things that are happening or could happen… so i’m a little more up to date…

he got leave approved from 2 June, for 2 weeks… so he's at least going home for a little bit. he needs to i think.

needs the peace.

still a big chance i won’t get to see him until he gets back from his deployment…

but I am taking it day by day… no point in getting knickers in a knot about something that is not in my hands

as long as i have him, in whatever form it takes, then i will be ok.

_obviously_ i want to be with him… but he’s worth the wait.

and i can wait.

he sent me flowers.

i’ve never been so touched in my life.

i’ve never ever gotten flowers (or anything) like that. delivered to my gate.

the driver laughed and said ” i can see that it was totally unexpected!” and i just nodded… mouth open… looking like a nana…

big grin after that…

they smell so lovely! and inca lilies! my favourite!

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and the boy is just making me fall further and further….

i HAVE to get there.
i have to.
i NEED to.

i just love him.
everything about him.
he makes me feel more ME than i've ever felt.
i trust him completely.
and he trusts me.
but is so vulnerable… it's… surreal.
he is just as scared as me, about feeling this way.

and he's offered to help pay for the ticket, as best he can.
and that meant the world to me.

no more "i don't care"

no more…

he loves me.
no doubt.

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