Posts Tagged ‘germany’

I forgot to mention the hat. I was also carrying one of my fedoras with me – well, wearing it, not carrying it, as i didn't want to scrunch it in my bag. My man asked me to bring it – he looks so damn good in it – so of course i complied.

So maybe i looked European, i don't know – but i was treated really politely by the German airport staff and security people – and they all immediately spoke German to me. Thankfully it was simple enough German that I usually understood what they were saying! So i nodded or shook my head – didn't say anything except Danke or Bitte. Compared to last time where they mostly ignored me, or pretended they didn't understand English, even on the plane, it was pretty cool. Maybe this time i was just not nervous (about meeting my man) so i paid more attention and looked more relaxed?
I guess i'm also more "well traveled" now. i'm still pretty OCD about things, but i'm not panicked or wide eyed and confused.

So i wore my hat, carried my big soft jacket, a plastic bag with the vuvuzela sticking up out of it (THAT got some weird looks from people, including security!) and my backpack. i trundled slowly to the departure gate. stood in the line to get my boarding pass there. got asked a lot of security questions by the Delta people. but they let me through and put the little red tags everywhere (including the plastic bag with the vuvuzela – after i explained what it was). i found a spot on a chair so i could watch the entry point to see when my man arrived. plonked my stuff down and tried to stay awake and aware. i hadn't slept on the plane, and i didn't sleep much the Tuesday night before either. i was tired. very tired.

about 40 minutes before boarding, i started to worry that he wasn't going to make it in time. but it seems Delta only board 20 minutes before. my heart sank as i thought i would have to face the flight to the US without him. and what would i do when i got to Atlanta? Would i have to rush to the next flight without him too?

but then i saw him being let through (with no fuss of course, if he flashed his military pass)  and my heart leapt and a stupid smile appeared on my face. nice jacket. wow. his belt in his hand as he'd just cleared security. he looked at me, but didn't see me and he made his way to a block of seats a few rows ahead of me.  i waited to see if he'd seen me, but he clearly hadn't. so i gathered all my crap up and carried it over to where he was.  a lady a few seats down watched us and i saw her smile when we hugged our hello.
i even got a kiss this time. my heart was pounding. i sometimes wonder if he notices that.
i got very warm too. when i'm with him – instant ignition of the inner furnace. he just has that effect on me.

he put his belt on and settled himself next to me. was so good to hold his hand and just _smell_ him and feel him near. everything was ok again.
he had lots of extra bits and pieces (a garment bag with his dress blues. *swoon*) and his backpack.
finally we boarded and settled ourselves in our seats – he let me have the window seat. such a gentleman.
it was a shorter flight than the one to Frankfurt – and made easier by having him there as company. We watched movies and he slept and i watched over him. I tried to sleep a bit too. but my neck got sore pretty fast. i'm not made for economy class! my lot in life.

We landed at Atlanta (with rumours of delays and a major storm coming in – but we didn't pay too much attention) and dashed off to get our luggage and recheck it. found my ERS, handed it over to the dude at the conveyer belts, made our way through the next security line (took about 20 minutes) and then on to the next flight (after finding our new gate) to Newark NJ. We walked to the other terminal just for fun and a chance to stretch our legs.

We boarded for the 5 hour flight to Newark and squished into the tiny seats, next to a large business man who overflowed into my seat. We were incredibly tired and stressed and we both tried to sleep. my legs were cramping and my back was aching, and my mans knees were killing him from being so folded up all the time.
And then we landed in Newark, and went down to get our baggage.
It was ICY cold in the airport and we stood there waiting. Out came my mans baggage, almost first on the carousel.
My ERS nowhere to be seen.
We waited and watched the luggage go around a few times. Checked the OTHER carousel. No luck.
So i went and stood in the long line at the baggage claim office.
Took me about 25 minutes to get to the front of the queue (bear in mind i have not slept in 2 days and i am now severely PISSED OFF) and i explained my situation, where the luggage came from, when i last saw it, described it in detail. Lady could not help much but said hang around a few more minutes (she meant 30.) for the final plane from Atlanta to come in and see if my luggage was not perhaps on that one.
We waited. We looked at the luggage that came in. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
So I went back to her. I explained that everything was in there including wedding clothes and gifts. She was sympathetic. she gave me a voucher for $14 for breakfast.
i was underwhelmed. another trend.

By this time i was on the point of tears i was so unbelievably tired, and incredibly angry. i don't like people seeing me cry, so i bit down on my savage words and took my claim number and left. My man was reeling where he was standing, he was also very tired. so we decided to check in to a local hotel for the night before embarking on our trip to Princeton as we could hardly keep our eyes open.
We called around and finally found a reasonably priced room at the Holiday Inn Express just down the road. (I like Holiday Inn Express)
We waited in the freezing cold (the icy air helped me cool my temper a bit) for the hotel shuttle and then packed in and drove to the hotel with everyone else.
Checking in took a few minutes and we went up to our room. threw down our stuff.
i'd been in the same clothes for 2 days and i felt really shitty.
we showered, felt better.

 and then we just fell on each other.
can't put it any other way.

i had waited and waited and i couldn't wait any more.


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Where to start? Um. the beginning I guess.
Worked Monday and Tuesday and woke early on Wednesday (a public holiday here in .za) to finish packing (I had actually done most of the present packing, and stuff for my man) my enormous red suitcase. it's enormous. seriously.
I was under the impression my weight limit for the flights would be 23kg. my enormous red suitcase (hereafter called ERS) managed to swallow everything with ease, but when I managed to wheel it over to the scale… it was 26kgs. bugger.
so i opened it up and made agonised decisions about what could stay and what could go. out went the (rather heavy) extra bits and bobs i got my man – i could mail those to him, they were not "gifts" per say, just added extras that i thought he would like. I was sad about that. Out went my other pair of jeans, and some tshirts. a jersey. socks. (and i love my socks.) and some underwear. (including the promised corset and matching underwear that i was meant to wear for my man… but oh well, another time) and some shoes.

weighed again… 24kgs. i said so what, i'll pay the extra. i couldn't justify taking anything else out. yes, his stuff took up most of the space, but he's worth it. every cent.

i put one of the weddings gifts in my backpack, along with my toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush and some facecream. and Bertha, of course. and a jersey, because apparently it was a bit chilly in the north 🙂
so we gathered all my bits and pieces up (i actually traveled pretty light this time, especially my backpack. it was great) and piled into the car (even my brother came along… *wide eyes*) and drove the 40 minutes to the airport.
I went straight away to the sign in desks – i didn't want to wait in line and i wasn't sure what would happen with my suitcase being overweight and all that.
Only one person in front of me and then i rolled up to the desk. A trainee on duty with her mentor watching carefully, i got told my bag would go all the way through to Atlanta, but I would have to recheck it there, as domestic luggage for the flight to Newark. I said that was great – not having to collect it in Germany would be a huge weight off my mind (no security checks or customs lines at least! even though i got the damn visa… grrr)
They also then said that my international flight allowance was 50kgs!! and TWO bags!! Arg! I was annoyed, but it was ok because i knew i could then at least buy stuff in the States and not worry about it being too much.
So all checked in, i grabbed my boarding pass and went to join my mum and brother.

We had our traditional farewell milkshake at the (newly opened) mugg&bean at the (newly redone) international departures terminal. Then they left and I went to through the customs lines and security checks. Good thing i went through early – while i was standing at my gate, i saw the loooooooooooong lines of impatient people zigzagging towards the departures area.

I bought my man a vuvuzela (he has asked me for one ever since reading about them in a soccer article) at the sports shop, and myself one of those travel pillows that wrap around your neck for inflight sleeping. that was the hope anyway – i struggle to sleep on planes.
I tried to read one of the books i brought with, but i guess the excitement finally sunk in… i paced and browsed the duty free – always looking for things to get my man and his family. chocolate? no, would melt before i got to him. another book? my backpack was getting pretty heavy and i had a long way to go… i had magazines and books for him. so just the vuvuzela then.

Finally, time to board. I was at the front of the line, with some German people on their way home from holidays in the beautiful Cape. They yammered away in German and i managed to catch _some_ of what they were saying.  The one lady must have thought i was German because she started talking to me and i let her finish and then said i only understood a little. she asked where i was going and why and i told her a little bit – meeting my boyfriend in Frankfurt and then flying to the USA. she said it was very cold in Germany right now. she said she'd never been to the US and wished me a wonderful holiday.
We boarded and i was pleased to find that Lufthansa fly Airbuses with two seats on either side and 4 in the middle. I got a window seat – first time ever, i think. i am over the panics that i used to get, so i thought i'd try the window out for a change and see if it made it easier to sleep.
a young blonde boy was my neighbour – he had that strange accent of a young German – i thought he was American at first. his name was Nicolas. we didn't speak much, but he fell asleep on my shoulder later on in the flight and while i desperately needed the loo, i didn't have the heart to wake him.
I was very annoyed – my tv monitor didn't work. no music, no movies, nothing. they reset it 3 times, with no luck. so i got a voucher from Lufthansa for duty free. woo.
it was the start of a trend.

flight was pretty boring. i read a bit (new Neil Gaiman book i got in the bookstore) and listened to my Zune. which made me think of my beautiful man. *sigh*
got restless. wiggled. tried to sleep.

some turbulence coming in to Germany, and a rather bumpy landing, but otherwise fine.

I waited till 99% of the people got off the plane before disembarking – couldn't be bothered to fight through the crowds and i knew i didn't have to go through customs, so i had time to get to my Delta flight. i also knew that my man wouldn't be there for at least an hour or more.

It was nice and cold walking to the terminal, but warm inside. i got some Dollars at the forex place. i still had Euros from the last trip, so i bought some tea and started the rather long walk to the departure area.



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and a few others things…

my heart
my soul
my ability to sleep
my laughter

and the love of my life.

leaving him was agony. it felt like my heart was being twisted up and torn from my body. it was not gentle.
i stood up about 5 times, in the airport waiting area; determined i could just walk out, because he would still be there, waiting for me.

in the short time we were together, my addiction got 100 times worse.
i feel like half a person now. walking around like a zombie. sleepless. restless. red eyed. unsmiling. wanting something.

i keep reaching for him, in the dark.
i keep turning my head to laugh with him about something i see or hear or read.
when i drive, i keep my eyes firmly planted on the road ahead – because i keep expecting to feel his hand on my leg, or look over and see his smile.

he's just not there.

and this horrible mantra is running through my head.. and it's so unfair – on me, on my friends, my family, my animals, my home, on him – it goes something like this  ..
"i don't want to be here… i don't want to be here… i don't want to be here… i don't care… i don't care…i feel nothing…"
and i can't seem to stop it.

i am so unmotivated. dull and listless.

i thought it would be easier, once we'd been together. and in some ways it is.
but mostly, it's harder. because now i know what i'm missing.

i don't want him worrying about me – it's not necessary… i'm sure i'll come right. i'll deal with it. i'll get used to it.
like i always do. he has enough to think about. he must take care of himself. that's important. more important than me right now i think.

it's a little scary (ok. a LOT scary) how deep this goes. this love.
i am his completely. i couldn't change that now even if i wanted to. which i don't. not for anything in the world.

all little girls make a magic list in their heads/hearts… sometimes we write this list down… but mostly we keep it inside…
it changes or gets updated as we get older… gets more specific, or more general – depending on what we go through in life…

and this boy.
this boy is _everything_ on my list – from the silliest thing (a mutual love of peanut butter, and him wearing boxers) to more serious things (honour, discipline, and honesty in all things)
i didn't even have to make any stretches – everything he says, everything he is and does, is on my list… and i'm finding that he is even MORE than that… things i never knew i wanted, he has. he gives.

i am a walking cliche'. and i don't care if i am.

so my sock is in the barracks somewhere. a symbol of something. not sure what though. maybe of everything i left behind.
everything i washed there, smells like him.
and he smells so good.

how did he get under my skin like this?
and he keeps peeling back the layers and digging deeper.
and i am powerless to stop him.

i just hope i'm good enough for him.
i just want to make him happy.
in all things.
make him proud.
because he makes me so happy, and i am so proud of everything he is.

The kiss_DSC0473_DSC0491_DSC0500_DSC1260

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went to get my passport and visa this morning, from the consulate…
EVENTUALLY found parking… reasonably far away, but i'm fine with walking – and it was lovely rainy weather, so everyone was inside…

took me 5 minutes in all…

AND they gave me 10 extra days on my visa and a multi entry one too…
which is ROCKIN…

but poses some financial issues…
obviously i want to stay longer with the boy… OBVIOUSLY!

but it means extended my medical insurance (a good extra R500 at least)
changing my ticket return date (another R500, which means R1000 altogether, because i've already changed it once)
adding extra days to my hotel booking (another 300 EUR)

so basically i'd have nothing to spend… and that would suck mightily…

i spoke to the boy when i called him just now – he said he "doesn't care" what i do… which is fine, means it's not a problem…

so.. it all stays the same…
and i still leave september 22nd and fly back october 7th…

still hasn't sunk in though…
i'm sure it will soon…

the boy said "why do you have such a sexy voice on the phone?"
he likes to surprise me with comments like that…

i love it.


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Tuesday morning dawned… cold and clear… i hadn't slept a wink.
i downed half a litre of rescue remedy and went to get more stuff copied and some more statements…

then it was off to cape town… eventually found parking underground…
then up 19 floors to the German Consulate…

my heart was pounding so hard that my body was shaking in time…

but i downed some more rescue remedy… and sat quietly, waiting my turn, doing some A.T to calm my breathing and slow my heartbeat … it actually worked…

i got a LOVELY lady, who also informed me that if my grandfather was german, i should apply for a german passport next time 🙂
was so sweet of her… made me comfortable and calm straight away…
she took all my papers, asked what i did – i told her, and told her i specialised in equestrian photography…
i got a LITTLE worried at that point, because she rolled her chair back to talk to the lady at the booth next to her…
rapid fire german… but smiles… and the other lady came around to "see me" and she asked me all sorts of questions (do i ride? where? what shows did i shoot? etc etc) and i showed them some of my photographs, and she recognised Dawn Newman – that was so cool! such a small world, our horsey world…
they wanted my website, and the lady who rode said she was DEFINITELY going to check it out, because she rode in Tokai and she was into her dressage etc etc 🙂
and zip zap… "now you pay me money" and then i had a receipt and was told to come collect it on Thursday! (tomorrow)
I'm so happy. so excited. but it hasn't really sunk in yet… i don't think it will until i get on the plane. or maybe even when i get to germany… i really don't know.

i informed my mom. wrote her an email (cos she was at work) – but i've had no response.
and last night she was very cold and didn't speak to me much. but i don't know if that's because i didn't do the dishwasher thing, or because of the email, or because she had a rough day…
so i emailed again this morning, to see ask if she'd gotten my email before…. and still nothing.
i think that's also part of why i'm not feeling the excitement yet… i was really hoping she'd be happy for me.
the way things had come together for me in the end – despite her negativity.

oh well.

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Here comes the soldier boy!
Papers are through! signed off! all done!
he has to be out of Schofield, August 10th!
Off to Grafenwoehr, Germany.

He called me, around 11:30pm – so excited he could hardly talk! 🙂 it was so sweet!
I was out at a little gettogether at the US consulate – at the Marine house…  (was very cool – met the new Marines who've recently arrived – what a sweet bunch of guys!) – so i was awake.

I hope he went out to celebrate last night (because i haven't heard from him… no messages on IM or anything)
he's not awake yet, and it's just after 9

I'm so happy for him – what a relief!

i'm not going to push him for "decisions" though – we'll see what happens now. let things happen as they may.

i feel a little detached from him right now, i don't know why…
probably because i haven't "seen" him in a while.
and also probably because i was so worried/upset about losing Alchemy… which is thankfully not going to happen – B said he was glad to hear we thought that Al was just depressed, and he wanted us to try again with him. J and I took Al out for a walk, with Stormy, this morning (early – so i didn't get online… not sure if the boy was waiting for me or not… i have a feeling he wasn't though… that's what i mean about being "detached") and he was acting like his normal rambunctious self! full of nonsense! rearing and bucking and squealing and letting EVERYONE know he was back and he was THE MAN! It was wonderful – really made us sure about asking B about more time for him…
it was such a huge relief…

i think that's why i'm so exhausted… i was so wound up about it…

i feel kinda numb now – but it's ok.


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the boy called me at 3:30AM to tell me his exciting news…
his papers are through division, just waiting on one more signature (the commanders) and then he's off to Germany.
so basically.. 90% certain.
he leaves in a couple of months… 2 maybe 3.
Carmen goes with.
but he says he might sell her when he gets there – because she's a gas guzzler – and he wants to buy a bmw.
when in germany, i guess…

so he says "go back to sleep, sweety and i'll be online later"
so i did.

i then dragged my tired ass (after a hectic ride on Catch yesterday afternoon – he's not been ridden in 2 months!) out of bed at 8am, just to talk to him… and he says "so ask me a question… anything"
and when i don't have any "questions" for him… he *yawns* at me, and says "well then i'm going to bed. i'm tired and bored."

gee. thanks.
boys. *sigh*

WHATEVER! I shall engage Boy Mode then.
See how he likes it.

my mother made me SO angry.
i'm not posting anything on my other blog anymore.
i knew she read it…
but last night she says basically that i was whoring myself out "begging for money" online…
to get to Hawaii.
did i EVER beg?
i reread ALL my posts. i did no such thing!
just because i added some advertising? and some art for sale? and asked people to buy it?
Way to show the love!

so. no more updates about him on there. that's for sure.
which means basicaly NO UPDATES. because he is PART of my life and i WILL be going wherever he is!

i was SO angry. and SO hurt. if that's what she thinks of me. wow.

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