on my mind

Posted: November 22, 2008 in emotion, people

there's a lot.

didn't sleep last night. at all. my heart is pounding and i feel sick.

credit card blah. and now my stupid cheque account…  i _had_ R9 available… you can't do much with R9.. and then the ink i bought came off late (somehow – probably the machine in the shop only sent it through late) and suddenly i was in negatives!

so of course – phonecalls from the bank…
i'm pretty much screwed.
i have nothing left to sell – except my car and my camera. and both of those are too important/necessary.

i've applied for so many jobs (all over the world!)… but only a few bites – and nothing in Dubai :/ they all say "if you get here…"
but to get to Dubai, you need a sponsor visa, from an employer…
been talking to my friend Ant (who lives in Kuwait now, but also lived in Dubai for a few years) and she says it's really not easy to get in.. not easy at all… and the cost of living in Dubai is very high, not much chance to save.

most places are also saying "only in january…"
so i have november and december and  early jan to get through…

been working my ass off – but the orders are all so small it feels futile… like i'm flailing about and getting nowhere…

i hate being like this – there's so much i want to DO!

but i'll keep trying!
i always do.

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