numb…

Posted: September 21, 2008 in emotion, people, travel
Tags: , , , , , , ,

that's the best word i can find to describe how i feel right now…

i don't think it's a bad thing… i think it's the way i am learning to cope with stress…
i think being calm and clear is a good way to be…
i feel bad though – everyone keeps asking me "aren't you excited?" and "aren't you nervous?" … and i'm sure, somewhere deep down i am… i know i SHOULD be… but at the same time, i don't think i'm ready for that yet… so my mind is a placid ocean right now… my heart is still… it feels kinda good…
i know the flipside of this is coming… i can feel it… but until it does, i'm numb…. and that's fine with me…
i don't want it to seem like i'm not looking forward to going… because that would be so far off the mark it would be funny… i'm just calm (for a change)… and open to things…
in the last week or so i've made so many new friends, and done so much… and haven't packed anything!
i only got my suitcase out of the garage on friday… still pondering what i'm taking.. what i need… if i'll have space (i have so much stuff for the boy… *grin*… i couldn't help myself… ) and i should check the weather again… 
it's a really hot day here today (i think because another storm front is coming…) so i'm in tank top and baggy surf pants… 
going on a "Hash" run later… invited by my friends at the consulate… it sounds interesting… only reason i'm going is because apparently there's not much RUNNING done – and i'm going with Megs, so we will walk together and keep each other company… and watch the other people run by… 
i'm DEFINITELY taking my camera!
that reminds me.. i need to change the battery for a charged one…
oh! and my Speedlight is broken 😦 it stopped working at the baby shower i was working at yesterday…
i thought it was just the batteries… but unfortunately i've changed them 3 times (for BRAND NEW ones) and it's still faulty (won't switch on for more than .3 of a second)… 
so i will have to send it to Orms when i get back (thankfully i don't think i will need it in germany – but i will definitely need it when i get back! USMC Ball, etc)

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