at some point in your life, you reach a moment where you can g any way…
there are options
sometimes few
sometimes too many

i was pottering around a snooty upper class food store, in an upper class neighbourhood (i was house sitting in the area… i love pitching up in my skadonky car, leaking oil and backfiring and roaring away and smelling of wet dog and fumes, slipping into the best parking spots and smiling brightly at the snooty people in their expensive sedans and SUV's that get washed every day and wouldn't DARE to exude anything except perhaps the expensive perfume of the gucci-covered and well groomed woman in the drivers seat….) blissfully unaware of what was coming….

I had said goodbye to the boy on Tuesday – he was off to Germany… all was well with the world… we had Plans.

so… around 6pm i get a phone call. the line is terrible and the delay is even worse than the USA-SA line…
The boy. desperate. miserable. petrified.

He landed in Germany. Had hardly set foot on tarmac, and he was told he was, in fact, joining the 1-2 INF, in Schweinfurt, instead of the training unit in Grafenwoehr…

and. added bonus. this unit was being deployed to Afghanistan in November.
yes folks. November. yes. Afghanistan.
that's … *counts on fingers* … 3 months away.
i asked if he was making some sick little joke. because sometimes we do that.
he wasn't.
he also said that the barracks were shyte and he hadn't met any of the other members of his unit (except one lonely soul who had ALSO just arrived, and knew nothing) as they were all at Grafenwoehr, being trained for the deployment.

I was calm, gentle, soothing… we both felt better after hearing each others voice. i desperately needed to hear him, that's for sure. and he said he felt the same and he felt much better. and he loved me. and i loved him.

we said goodbye. and the moment he hung up. i burst into tears. not pretty little "oh woe is me" tears. but great big SOBBY tears and heaving chest and gulping air. my legs also chose that moment to go utterly limp and i collapsed into a heap in the bread aisle. luckily i didn't upset any shelves.
i sat there, crying, with the phone in my hand. unable to stand.
of course, i was politely ignored by the snooty people in the store. In my riding gear and wellington boots, with ruffled helmet hair and a dirty face (because i HUG my horses) i stood out like a sore thumb… they were _not_ going to associate with this crazy cretin.
i eventually found enough strength to stand up. i left all my shopping right there next to the baskets of lovely expensive bread. and i wobbled out of there, still sobbing.
Suffice it to say, i won't be going back to THAT store.

After sobbing most of the night. and sleeping fitfully, curled in a little ball.
i decided that enough was enough. it wasn't helping anyway, and i wanted to be strong for the boy, when he next called.

the boy called again (all these calls are from a crappy payphone in his barracks, because – thinking he'd be staying a bit longer in germany, long enough to get a new one – he had cancelled his US phone contract on Monday!
he had no internet access (everything was locked down and he knew nobody to ask for access – and there was nobody helpful around, except the Other New Guy, who knew NOTHING) and it was HOT AS HELL (first thing he said was "do you know that germans don't have AC? it's seriously hot here.") as Germany, and most of Europe, are experiencing a wonderful heatwave.. hottest summer in 20 years or something…
and in walks my american sweetheart who is used to AC in his home, in his car and everywhere else too!

all his gear (and precious Carmen too!) arrives soon, but he will hardly have time to unpack it, and it will all have to go back into storage when he deploys!!
so say he is UTTERLY MISERABLE would be an understatement.

and so was i.
BUT. I refuse to give in. I will be strong for him.
So. Along comes Plan B.
I am busy sorting out money for a ticket to Germany. A shengen visa. and "expenses" (cos the germans won't let you in without money) and hopefully will leave at the end of the month.

it's just the money thing is proving difficult.

I will stay there until he deploys.
5 days or 5 hours or 5 minutes – i don't care, as long as i get to be with him. I'll take anything.

Then. I will come home. Do the I.T contracts that are lined up for me (just can't do them now, as i would not be finished in time to go to Germany) pay off more debts. and buy a ticket to Dubai.
I will stay in Dubai (earning GROOT GELD) while he is deployed… that way, we could even see each other on weekends, and when he gets RnR…. depending on what his unit ends up doing, and where they end up being ordered to go, of course… but it's closer than Cape Town, and less expensive than Germany, and they all speak English!
And we'll take it from there…

So right now… i'm desperately seeking the R20K i need to go to Germany.
thinking of ways to get it ASAP.
some options…. some more difficult than others…
but i'm willing to put in the time and effort – he is worth it.

so that's my life right now.

The Army changes their mind more than a socialite in a shoe store.
But i'm learning to deal with it.
You roll with the punches. you dodge and weave and sidestep. and there's ALWAYS a Plan B…. Plan C … Plan D…

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Comments
  1. vivdora says:

    OMG you poor thing and poor boy! Snooty people so nasty! Probably thought you'd contaminate them!You're nearly there, keep on keeping on xxx

  2. i'm trying, D. i'm trying.it comes in waves. positive wave.. followed by…negative wave… and still no break in the money thing.

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