not scared

Posted: March 29, 2008 in emotion, love, people, relationships
Tags: , , ,

the conversation started out a little stilted, a little tense…

but i didn't push, i didn't bug, i didn't act like girl…
i let him speak
i let him not speak
i listened and waited
and when he saw me he said i looked the same, just like he left me. and that was good.
after that, he relaxed, we laughed…
i just adore this boy.
i must never doubt him. never doubt the way he feels about me.
he is DIFFERENT from the other males that i've known in my life.
completely different.
i mustn't project what THEY would do, on him, because he isn't like that… in no way whatsoever.
he is sweetly him. and that's all i need.
so now, i look forward to seeing him again, but i'm not going to bug him… he still needs time to recover, to heal, to think, to be on his own… 
he knows i'm here, he knows i'll do anything he needs me for… 
and that's all i can give him, from here, and i think that's enough for now… 
and i'm not scared anymore.
he is what i need. what i want. and it's going to be hard. but we will get through.
one step at a time… 
i'm not bringing it up, until he does… hawaii… 
i've told him not to give up – he can still make the 3 month tryout for SF again… and now he has all this knowledge on what they want from him, what he can expect… so.. he has that advantage… he knows what he lacks, and now he has the time to work on it… 
and i know he will make it this time… i just know it.
it's meant to be.
and then we will make decisions from there… 
i _want_ to be the one he thinks about, the one whose photo he shows to his friends and says "yeah, that's _my_ girl… " the one he can't wait to get back to… i want the thought of me to get him through bad times, like a light… i want to be his anchor, his support, his best friend, his lover, his woman… 
is that so wrong of me?

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